Rating:
“Drive Angry” is a grindhouse movie about fast cars, killer coins, mutilated bodies, bullet holes, bad accents, human sacrifices, Satan, Satan’s worshippers, Satan’s Accountant, and a few conversations about slitting the throat of an infant so Hell could move up to Earth and party. Find anything that could offend you?
The star is Nicolas Cage. His choice of movies in recent years has been, questionable. Either he’s been testing the range of his acting skills, or he’s only been agreeing to do certain movies that require him to have a weird haircut. That man’s hair has had more alterations than a teenager. After “Season of the Witch” and “Drive Angry”, it’s now safe to say that Mr. Cage needs to hire a new stylist as much as he needs to hire a new agent. Anyway.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Drive Angry Movie Review
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Crazy, Stupid, Love Movie Review
Rating:
There’s a sad routine going on with romantic comedies nowadays. Bad ones, like “Life as We Know It”, enjoy a wide release and a fat box office, while good ones, like “Flipped”, remain unknown to many. But then, to our surprise, we are introduced to “Crazy, Stupid, Love”. Here is a romantic comedy written with intelligence, driven by its story, and delivered with actors who are both competent and charming. And, what do you know, people actually know about it.
The movie is about a set of individuals who have, in their own personal way, lost track of true love. A few of them may have never even experienced it in the first place, but their story is about how they get there. Let me tell you about them real quick. Cal and Emily Weaver (Steve Carrell and Julianne Moore) are a middle-aged couple whose marriage has hit a major bump. Emily has confessed to being guilty with adultery, and is now requesting for a divorce.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Cowboys & Aliens Movie Review
Rating:
Common sense is not welcome in a movie called “Cowboys & Aliens”. No other non-sequel title in 2011 has given a more tempting wink to the Summer Movie Audience. It presents a preposterous yet enticing idea that feels destined to be a silly, dumb, fun action-comedy. Led by “Ironman” director Jon Favreau, and guided by familiar names like Ron Howard and Steven Spielberg, we feel confidence in its production.
We tone our brains down in eager wait, only to be left wondering in the end why a concept ready for fun was treated with a large and unnecessary amount of seriousness. It forces upon itself a certain level of depth, which the movie has no time for. The attempts at a heavier story prolong “Cowboys & Aliens” to a running time of 118 minutes, where much of it is composed of overlong explanations and faulty, predictable drama. The bossy jerk learns to cooperate, the useless son learns to practice obedience, and the angry rebel learns to smile. Haven’t we seen all of these before? Do they really have a place in a movie called “Cowboys & Aliens”?
Friday, August 12, 2011
Sucker Punch | Local Movie Review
Rating:
“Sucker Punch” ain’t no movie. “Sucker Punch” is an excess of testosterone vomited into a reel of celluloid until it is violently splashed into the faces of its audience. The movie’s advertisements are diligent in declaring its promise: “You will be unprepared.” They were right. I was not prepared for the overwhelming atrocity that I had to bear during the course of its running time. By the movie’s end, I felt that my senses had been pummeled to dust.
The plot, if that’s what you call it, is this: A grieving girl who has just lost her mother has been framed by her stepfather for murder, and is now imprisoned in a mental institution. A lobotomy awaits her. So, in the meantime, she creates a fantasy world of her own. Within that fantasy world, she creates another fantasy world. That’s twice the fantasy. It’s kinda like “Inception”, only stupid.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Rio Movie Review
Rating:
Ironic, isn’t it, how “Rio” uses an outlined plot and a standard story to produce a wacky, out-of-control party where most of its participants either have wings or fur. Humans may have a hard time keeping up with these singing, dancing, rapping animals, especially if two of them are voiced by will.i.am and Jamie Foxx.
“Rio” opens with a lively performance in the jungle. Birds sweep through the air and swerve through the trees. Consistent through the rest of the film, this sequence is bright and colorful. The birds maintain a low height, probably with a fear of being sucked into jet engines. A baby macaw admires the view from a hole in a tree until everyone is interrupted and caged by a group of poachers. How rude.
Rio Movie Review
Ironic, isn’t it, how “Rio” uses an outlined plot and a standard story to produce a wacky, out-of-control party where most of its participants either have wings or fur. Humans may have a hard time keeping up with these singing, dancing, rapping animals, especially if two of them are voiced by will.i.am and Jamie Foxx.
“Rio” opens with a lively performance in the jungle. Birds sweep through the air and swerve through the trees. Consistent through the rest of the film, this sequence is bright and colorful. The birds maintain a low height, probably with a fear of being sucked into jet engines. A baby macaw admires the view from a hole in a tree until everyone is interrupted and caged by a group of poachers. How rude.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Jennifer's Body Movie Review
Rating:
I’m pretty sure both of us have more important things to do right now than to talk about this bad movie, so let’s make this quick.
The central character is Jennifer. The woman playing Jennifer is Megan Fox. The entire supporting cast in “Jennifer’s Body” includes:
1.) Megan Fox’s cleavage
2.) Megan Fox’s legs
3.) Megan Fox’s ass
The movie’s title supports my claim. “Jennifer’s Body” can be best described as an exploitive extension and dissection of the picture below.
And… we’re done! Talk to you later!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Inside Job Movie Review
Rating:
In September of 2008, we witnessed the collapse of companies, the loss of jobs, and the downfall of the worldwide economy. What we didn’t witness, however, is how a few businessmen earned hundreds of millions of dollars as a result of it. We were told that this economic crisis was an unpleasant accident, but no. Turns out, we are at a time where the idea of bankrupting countless of families to the point of homelessness is a feasible option as long as it generates a profit.
“Inside Job” is a hard-hitting, eye-opening, rage-inducing documentary that meticulously informs us how the entire world was screwed over by the giants of Wall Street. The movie points its fingers to the, excuse me… thieves… responsible for the recent economic crisis. Most of us were affected. Many of us are still recovering. Who knows? Maybe a few of us hit rock bottom and stayed there.
