Rating:
The early 1940’s represents tough times. A horrible war is being fought, and Colonel Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) strongly believes that sweet victory will be embraced by the side that places more confidence in men than in weapons.
The United States of America needs the best soldiers they can find, and in comes a young man with an unparalleled desire to serve his country. His name is Steve Rogers. He is an asthmatic and weighs less than a hundred pounds. If he’s also missing half a toenail, then he’d remind me of myself five years ago. At home, he is constantly bullied, bad-mouthed, and beaten up.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Captain America: The First Avenger Movie Review
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Teeth Movie Review
Rating:
“Teeth” is a movie about a set of teeth that is not located inside a mouth. It is also a movie where an exploitive gynecologist finds four of his severed fingers on the floor after they are brutally bitten off of his hand. And if you know what a gynecologist does, then you may have already discovered that the preceding occurrence is the work of a vagina with teeth. This will be identified as shocking for most of its viewers, but even more so for the stubborn men who try to take advantage of a pretty, slightly-mutated girl named Dawn.
Multiple castrations are performed to strip men of their masculinity, but we must understand that this particular crime is passive in context. Do we ever see Dawn’s genitals creep through the night and mutilate men while they’re alone in peace? No. We realize that Dawn’s “additional teeth” only attacks when it is first attacked, that it only causes violence when it is first violated.
“Teeth” is a movie that’s bloody from the waist down. It targets men with impure and selfish motives against women. Those with methods more vicious than others are suggested to abstain not in respect, but in fear. In a scene where a man cries in pain in exchange for his perversity, the least he could hope for, with thoughts of reconstructive surgery in the future, is that Dawn’s additional teeth is only there to bite, and not swallow.
17 Again Movie Review
Rating:
The first minutes of “17 Again” are proud to present a shirtless and sweaty Zac Efron. Now observe yourself. Observe yourself, real hard. How did that first sentence made you feel? Did it excite you? Discouraged you? Made you laugh? Anything? I ask you this because that feeling will most likely stay with you for the rest of the film.
Now girls, calm down. I can explain the negative rating. You see, I’m one of the guys. How would you feel if you watched a movie about Vanessa Hudgens with nothing to be about except to remind you that it’s starring Vanessa Hudgens?
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Priest Movie Review
Rating:
Bear with me. This shouldn’t take long.
A long, long time ago, there was a war between the humans and vampires. Those fanged bloodsuckers happen to be very strong, and mankind was forced to retreat within the protected city of the Church. In come the Priests, a group of specialized warriors who can slay the vampires so fast and easily, they could have arrived before mankind was threatened to extinction.
Before I continue, I feel that I must inform the younger generation that these vampires neither sparkle nor lust after a woman who can be described by rearranging the word “lust.”
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Snatch Movie Review
Rating:
So there’s this stolen 86-carat diamond stone that has recently gone missing. And you can bet that there are quite a number of people who will risk their life and threaten lives in order to acquire this precious stone once news gets out. Except perhaps for one weird gypsy who just wants a brand new caravan for his mama, but that’s a whole other story.
In fact, there are a lot of whole other stories in Snatch. They may not be clear to you at first, and they may not still be clear to you by the end, but who cares? This is a film that is very fun. It is without a boring minute, and it contains dialogue that gives a worthy salute to, dare I say it, “Pulp Fiction”.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Black Swan Movie Review
July 15, 2011 ByRating:
Nina Sayers wakes up in the morning and shares the marvelous dream she had with her single mother, Erica. She was on stage, performing the lead role in Tchaikovsky’s ballet masterpiece, “Swan Lake.” Other hard-working female ballet dancers also dream of this role, and with great reason. To star in an event of this magnitude is not only to share your love for this art. It also provides an opportunity on the grandest scale to finally show the world the passion that you, for so long, spent years to perfect.
The ballet company that Nina occupies is starting a new season, and its director, Thomas (Vincent Cassel), is looking for a new star. Nina is eventually chosen, but the preparations will not be easy. She is required to play two characters of opposite nature, the White Swan and the Black Swan. Disciplined, controlled, and performing according to technique, Nina is a candidate who is more than ideal for the White Swan. But she lacks the qualities that are essential to embody the Black Swan, which demands her to follow feelings, and not methods.
Black Swan Movie Review
Rating:
Nina Sayers wakes up in the morning and shares the marvelous dream she had with her single mother, Erica. She was on stage, performing the lead role in Tchaikovsky’s ballet masterpiece, “Swan Lake.” Other hard-working female ballet dancers also dream of this role, and with great reason. To star in an event of this magnitude is not only to share your love for this art. It also provides an opportunity on the grandest scale to finally show the world the passion that you, for so long, spent years to perfect.
The ballet company that Nina occupies is starting a new season, and its director, Thomas (Vincent Cassel), is looking for a new star. Nina is eventually chosen, but the preparations will not be easy. She is required to play two characters of opposite nature, the White Swan and the Black Swan. Disciplined, controlled, and performing according to technique, Nina is a candidate who is more than ideal for the White Swan. But she lacks the qualities that are essential to embody the Black Swan, which demands her to follow feelings, and not methods.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Mechanic (2011) Movie Review
Rating:
“The Mechanic” is an entirely enjoyable action flick if you’ve only seen three or four other action movies, which is about equivalent to half a Michael Bay film. It considers the expectations of its audience. Guns are shot, stunts are pulled off, and cars are thrashed all over. But the real joy in movie-watching usually comes from the unexpected, which is a fact that this movie is either too lazy or too ignorant to recognize.
The film stars Jason Statham as Arthur Bishop. The more movies he makes, the more I question his versatility as an actor. Like many of his past roles, Statham plays a character who is a “professional” at his field. His line of work must be illegal, because it’s more fun that way. Would The Transporter’s story be as exciting as it is if Statham delivered pizzas instead of… “packages”?
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Ward Movie Review
Rating:
Kristen is an attractive young woman, and if this damn ghost would stop bothering her, she could pretty much land a career in modeling. But no, she also has to be confined in a ward for the mentally unstable. This is very unfortunate. Things are already going bad for poor Kirsten, but the worst part is that she has to share the movie with supporting characters suffering from “No Personality Disorder”.
Poor Kristen meets some of the other patients. Employees in the ward disappear for no reason so the group could run around and investigate. The ghost makes an appearance every now and then. Sometimes, it kidnaps one of the patients and murders them. Other times, it literally does nothing except to show us its ugly face. Do you really want to know what happens next?
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